What are the traits women look for in men? There is constant advice and tips out there for what most men look for in women. However, for a guy looking to find out what women desire in a man it gets confusing. Most men hear women want a muscular build, sense of humor, and confidence. Bonus points if he has money.
In short, guys are lost when it comes to the traits that women are looking for when dating and looking for a meaningful relationship. In this article, we are going beyond what everyone else says.
We are not talking about physical attributes or physical attractiveness. We are looking at the down-to-earth qualities of what most women want in a romantic partner. Not all women may agree on every item in this list. Some things may seem less important than others. Every person’s priorities are different.
This list is a combination of different surveys, studies, and research papers. The age ranges were from 18 to 78. The marital status of the women were single, married, divorced, and widowed.
Traits Women Look For In Men And How To Truly Attract Women
1. Talk About The Future
I recently wrote an article on First Impressions. In that article, I mention talking about the future. When on a date share what you want to do and learn. When planning something don’t say “Oh, we can it by ear” or “I’ll get back to you.” Don’t give a disclaimer about the future.
Show her you have some type of ambition of what you want to do with your life.
2. Don’t Just Ask How She’s Feeling
Show that you really care about how she’s doing and feeling. Offer real feedback and support. Not quick fixes and what she should do. She is a big girl and can take care of herself.
Show her that she has a real partner who truly cares what she is thinking and feeling. That you want to know her ideas and what is going on in her life.
3. Make A Real Effort
A major complaint is that guys stop doing the thoughtful gestures. They stop ironing the shirts, combing the hair, bringing flowers, going on walks, etc. You stop doing things simply because she mentioned she liked it at some point in time.
Don’t get in the rut of doing the same thing. Keep things interesting. Those thoughtful gestures are not meant just for the first few months. Those gestures are what helped you stand out from everyone else and made her feel special to you. Make a real effort to keep doing them.
4. Know Who You Are
Don’t waste your time or hers. Make her aware of things you believe, or don’t believe, in. Share your goals. It does no one any good if you get six months into a relationship and suddenly spring you don’t want kids on her. Or that your life ambition is to work in the antarctic for eight months out of a year.
Be honest and upfront about who you are.
5. See Her As A Whole And Complete Person
I get the question “Why do you like me?” often. My answers vary, but they do follow a pattern. I mention a trait and then define it. Then I mention how she fits my definition. It’s how I see her as a whole person.
Yes, I do see her physical beauty. But, I do not stay with her because of her pretty face or some other body part. I appreciate the qualities that make her up into a complete person. I don’t care if she has a bad hair day.
She could have a full emotional breakdown over a stressful work week. It wouldn’t bother me because I see her many layers. I know her strengths and ability.
See her as a whole person, not a collection of attractive parts.
6. Believe In Her
Respect the fact that she can take care of herself. If she is attempting, or trying, something let her know she has your support. Enthusiastically help her achieve her goals and dreams.
She supports you, you should do the same for her. If there is one thing that helps a woman feel loved, it is when she knows her man believes in her.
7. Be Better Than Great In Bed
Ashley and I did a series of podcasts on this topic. We talked about everything from upping your kissing game to the horizontal mambo. In total, we used over 1,000 research papers for those episodes.
A lot of sites and advice will tell you that seduction begins early. Not five minutes beforehand. That’s partially true. If you want better advice, seduction begins when the last orgasm ends. In other words, seduction never stops.
You find pleasure in pleasuring her. Allowing her to feel comfortable in her own skin. Both of you become romantic partners that have passion on another level.
8. Have Ambition
Don’t be comfortable with where you are at in life. As I mentioned in the “Making A Great First Impression” article ambition is a key element. A guy who has ambition and dreams is something women want in a man.
You strive to achieve your dreams. You challenge yourself and test your limits. You are constantly looking for ways to grow on different levels.
9. Truly Have Her Back
Women want a man who supports them fully. This is the part of relationships where her enemies become your enemies.
Would you want her hanging out with a guy that betrayed you? Well, the same rule applies. She will feel disrespected if you were friendly towards someone who betrayed her.
10. Be Her Confident Man
This part was covered in a podcast episode as well. In a relationship, there are three separate entities. You, her, and the relationship itself. To have a healthy relationship both of you need time apart to pursue what you are interested in.
When she goes out with the girls you doubt what she doing. You don’t run her through a hundred questions and follow her like a lost puppy.
You have fun together sharing the same things. But, you each have your own independent lives in the world as well.
Be confident in her enough to let her know you are thinking of her. See #7 above. Give her a call, leave a message, or send a text. Tell her you are thinking of her or wish her a good night.
11. Women Desire The “Little Big Things”
Guys have heard it’s the little things that matter to a woman. The problem is men don’t really know what little things to listen for. They kind of stumble across them over the course of a relationship. Or, something worked in previous relationships so they try that.
Guys, you sum up “little big things” as basic kindness and consideration. You had a hard day at work, but see that she had a real bad day. As she collapses on the couch you listen to her vent while giving a foot massage. You happily indulge her as she watches season two of “Game of Thrones” for the umpteenth time to take her mind off things. To top it off you fix her the fruit tray with dipping chocolate you know she loves.
12. Date Nights Are Events
Single and dating or married it doesn’t matter. If you don’t want things to end sooner than expected, make a plan. A bit of focus and planning goes a long way.
You don’t have to go overboard and break the bank. You are also not going to repeat the same thing over and over again. Nor are you going to take the easy way out and just make reservations.
It doesn’t take much to see dead-end relationships. Just go to a restaurant and look at all the married couples sitting across from each other not talking the entire meal. There is no touching, no laughing, no romance, zero desire. In truth, she wants to avoid that future world with you.
Plan the date or night out. You are going to do A, then B, then C. You are going to have fun, you are going to laugh, and you are going to build that emotional connection.
13. It Doesn’t Matter, You Still Want To Kiss Her
A woman is finicky when it comes to kissing. It’s something they learn when they were girls on the playground while us boys were not paying attention and destroying action figures.
A woman wants to be presentable when she kisses. She wants to feel attractive when it happens. However, when she is having a bad day laying in bed sick with a can of snotty tissues next to her, you still give her a kiss.
You don’t care if you catch her cold. You don’t care she doesn’t look her best. Through sickness and in health you are there for the long haul. She might complain a little, but it’s much appreciated to know you still desire her when she is at her worst.
14. Be Nice And Courteous To Her Family And Friends
Yep, I talked about this on a podcast episode as well. If you don’t get the friend’s approval, you don’t get the girl as well. This goes for family as well in many situations.
A good relationship is much easier to maintain if she doesn’t have to play referee between her partner and those close to her. Treat those close to her with respect. Yes, even those who are super annoying and nosey.
Have a good sense to know that those relationships were around before you, and will be there long after you are gone. A bit of kindness and respect towards her family and friends will go a long way in her world.
15. Let Things Go
The bane of letting things go. Men don’t like hearing mistakes they made from months past. They also don’t understand why a woman insists on doing something that annoys them.
Give it a rest dude and let it go. There are always some petty qualities that both of you do that annoy each other. It comes from sharing your lives together.
A woman wants a man who chooses to enjoy a night together than a man who chooses to get into a petty argument because the ketchup cap wasn’t closed.
Save the arguments for things that really matter. Have the personality and moral integrity to see the bigger picture. Let the petty stuff go.
16. You Can Apologize And Mean It
Speaking of moral integrity this is a big one. If you mess up, be a man and sincerely apologize. No buts or caveats in the apology. Then work to not make the mistake again.
This is a huge trait that a lot of men miss. They say they apologize, but when you hear it, they lack authenticity. It’s a lip service surface-level apology. Own your mistake or at a minimum your role in whatever went wrong.
17. Be There For Her
This goes beyond just support. This is building upon the “little big things” women want in a man. When a woman feels something intensely she needs someone she can rely on to turn to. You are her best friend and your lives are intertwined.
During the course of her day, she feels the world is coming down on her. She’s having a moment and sends you a text. Instead of just texting back as anyone else would you are paying attention to your partner.
You drop what you are doing and text back. “I’m calling now.”
Realize when she needs you, and be there for her.
18. Be Honest
Remember #4? Don’t waste her time or yours. We are going to build upon that.
Tell her the truth. You don’t have to be brutally honest. You also don’t want to go the opposite direction and be sparingly honest. Those do not help anyone. You will come off as a jerk or a wimp.
Be consistently open in your honesty. In other words, vulnerable. Women want a man who can be honest about his thoughts, feelings, and opinions. Have the confidence that she can accept it.
19. Know How To Make Her Laugh
Know her sense of humor. Even in the worst possible moment you can get her to crack a smile. No matter what is happening at the moment you can help lessen the blow, let her know you got her, and everything is going to work out in the long run.
20. You Know Her
This isn’t the superficial stuff. You know her better than her closest friend. You have had the talks about the hard stuff. She shared her darkest moments, fears, and ambitions.
This is building on #5 from above. You not only see her as complete and whole but go further. Become interested in why she is the woman she is. What life events shaped her personality and traits.
21. Share New Things With Her
Remember those “little big things” mentioned earlier? Time to look at it from a different angle.
Women want to know what is going on in the life of their partner. They don’t want to have to ask. If you get a new shirt, share why you like it. Found a new ice cream flavor you enjoy, offer to share it without her asking to try it.
She supports your hobbies and interests so offer to include her. In long term relationships a partner wants to see the other partner doing what they enjoy. Even if you are not really into going to the equestrian show, you do it because you know it will make her happy.
22. Understand Her Irrational Fears
We all have irrational fears of something. Snakes, spiders, flying, open water, heights, etc. To that individual the fear makes sense. To the rest of the world it is irrational.
Now because of #20 you understand why she will wake you up at two in the morning because she heard a noise. Instead of just telling her it’s probably nothing you get up and go check the place out.
23. Take Care Of Yourself, Your Things And The People In Your Life
This is a big one. It’s been talked about in many an episode on the podcast. This is one of those traits women look for.
You take the best possible care of your yourself and possessions that you can. You don’t have to have the most expensive car. Your $2,500 hoopdie will do so long as you keep it clean and it’s reliable to get you from point A to point B without breaking down.
You maintain your physical and mental health as well. If you are not willing to invest in yourself, why would anyone else? Why would a woman want to be romantic partners with someone who lives like a slob?
In addition to this, you offer the same respect and care to those who are in your life.
24. Don’t Be Afraid To Clean
Along with #23 this is a big deal. Women notice details. You may not think it’s a big deal, but it’s a big deal.
Once in a while go around your place and deep clean. Dust, scrub, and go into all the places you normally wouldn’t. That dirty microwave, trust me she noticed it. The ring around the tub, she noticed. The dust on the ceiling fan blades, she noticed.
Take care of your stuff. Keep your place clean and organized.
25. Know How To Cook
You don’t need to be a culinary trained chef. But it has been said time and again that women find a man who can cook is sexy. Women don’t want to see their future relationship as the only one fixing the meals.
Warming up prepared meals doesn’t count. If you don’t know how to cook learn by watching some videos. Look up a recipe site. Buy a cook book.
If you are dating, treat her to meal that you made yourself from scratch.
26. You Are Not Intimidated By Her Success
So she’s an executive at some big corporation and you just got promoted to fries. It shouldn’t be a big deal. Don’t hold the fact that she has three phd’s over her head and that you don’t deserve her.
27. Know Where You End And She Begins
All of us have previous relationships that can leave scars. Realize the fact that the woman you are with is not your ex partner. When a wound is triggered have the ability to be vulnerable. Sit down with her and have a conversation so you can work through the situation together.
28. Be Empathetic
Showing you genuinely care about others is something taught in attracting women classes. Why? Because it shows compassion. Don’t fake this.
Women look for a man who can hold his own in difficult situations. Women also look for a man who has empathy for another. These are qualities that can build a meaningful relationship.
29. You Make Her Want To Be Better
Remind your woman of her qualities, the reasons you desire to be with her. Give her the confidence to go for her goals.
In other words, be her source of constant inspiration.
30. Communicate Like An Adult
Women want a man who can have a real conversation. If there is a disagreement you work to find an equal solution. Don’t go all passive-aggressive, or throwing ultimatums at her. Be a grown-up and talk things out.
Having A Healthy Relationship With Women
It may seem like women desire a lot. This is, after all, a long list. It really isn’t that complex though. It’s mostly about how a woman feels with a guy along with the traits and qualities he portrays. How he treats her. Most women want a confident man with moral integrity. He is going to be her best friend and listen to her. He will treat her with respect and protect her emotional well being.
This is how women feel loved and are comfortable enough to give the relationship the passion and focus it needs to grow. Despite what a man believes what women want is not all about money or physical attributes. The traits revolve more around kindness, respect, and the ability to be interested in she is.