Okay, guys listen up because I have something you have been waiting for. And, yes the women are kind of wondering if I really do have some of this stuff figured out. I’ll let them be the judge but I’m going to give some tips on approaching and initial flirting anyway.
Better than that, I’m also going to give some tips on flirting mistakes I see lots of guys make. Now, it’s really not the guy’s fault. After all, there isn’t a definitive book on this stuff. We kind of learn by watching cheesy movies and listening to other guys. We make stuff up in elementary, maybe figure out something in middle school, fake everything in high school and maybe get lucky, then figure out we actually know nothing about what we are doing in college. So we end up fumbling around until we find someone who pays attention to us and we think we found the holy grail answer.
What I learned in the way of flirting and approaching was to do the opposite of what everybody else was doing. If guys were cocky, I wasn’t. If guys were being flashy and buying drinks, I did neither. I was different than everybody else and, for me, it worked. It still works.
Flirting Mistake Number One
This brings me to the first mistake most guys make when approaching and flirting. We had a thing way back when I first started out. They were called negatives, or negs for short, which we used on girls who wanted our attention. In order to temper her down, we would neg her as a way of telling her we didn’t like that kind of behavior. Most of us found out these really don’t work. You can still find it in all kinds of books today and it’s still taught in some circles, unfortunately.
Here’s my take on this. Being mean is just being mean. These kinds of games do not leave a good impression and they can come off as childish.
We see it in the movies and told in elementary school that being mean is just a way of saying “I like you.” Well, that doesn’t work after the age of 7 and some guys do this well into their 40’s, or beyond. It just makes you look like an ass and will lead to nothing more than heartache and disappointment.
You want a woman to pay attention to you. Be sincere. Yes, I know big surprise there but it does work much better than childish games and cheesy pick-up lines. The lines that are old, worn out, or so stupid that all they get is an eye roll. When you approach a woman, she wants you to approach in a sincere way. She wants to feel unique and as if she stands out from the crowd. Rolling up on her like some character from a rom-com movie and using a line you used on the last 100 girls isn’t going to do anything for you.
A sincere approach shows her that you are mature and that you aren’t there just to get into her pants. Even if that is the end game you are after, the approach doesn’t give it away. I promise you that sincere and genuine interaction works wonders.
So that is mistake number one. Being mean and an insincere approach.
Flirting Mistake Number Two.
Going too serious too soon.
Here’s the gist of this. Women deal with all kinds of men on a daily basis. Some women get hit on multiple times a day. Some are so used to it that rejecting guys comes as naturally as breathing. Their minds can become dark and twisted at the first hint of a guy approaching them.
So, keep the interaction light and fun. Do not, let me say this again, do not steer the conversation into anything serious too soon. I’m also going to add that you do not, I’ll say this again, do not steer the conversation into sexual nature or start disclosing your favorite sexual fetishes.
Even when everything seems to be going right in this area some guys still get it wrong. They end up being random. They switch from light to serious, back to light and fun then back to serious. She can’t figure out if you want to flirt or be psychoanalyzed.
When is it too soon? That is too much for this little article. You really need to know how to read the cues she is giving and be able to pick up on her responses. I will leave you with this tip which may help. It will happen rather naturally once both of you understand each other’s sense of humor.
Flirting Mistake Number Three.
The last mistake usually happens at parties, in clubs, and at bars. That is getting drunk. Catch me at a club or at a party and you will normally find I’m drinking water or a Coke. I like being on top of my game so to speak when I’m out and about.
In speaking with women, there is nothing worse than being approached by a guy full of liquid courage with stale beer breath and cigarette smoke cologne wafting off him. However, a guy who can keep his composure within that environment throughout the night is one that women take notice of. Again, I keep it different than the other guys.
I know I said three, but I’m going to give you a bonus fourth.
Be genuine in your conversation. So many guys are so in their head that they don’t pay attention. They are not actively listening. They pay attention to everyone else around them rather than the person in front of them. His questions are more an interrogation rather than being light and fun.
Yes, ask her questions about herself, but keep away from the yes or no type questions as they can kill the conversation. Ask interesting questions that require a little thought, but are fun to answer. Whatever you do, don’t be a downer and don’t tease in an unkind way.
If you are new to this, it’s not going to work exceptionally well the first time. You need to practice until you are comfortable with it. The more comfortable you are the quicker you will be with thinking on your feet at the moment.
With practice, you will be more able to hear what is being said, reading the body language, picking up on the cues, and forming an answer or the question. You can’t do this if you are constantly in your head or you’re intoxicated.
Keep away from these mistakes, follow the tips given, and your flirting repertoire will increase dramatically. As a consequence, you will be seen less like just another guy and more as a guy who is boyfriend material.