Girls asking guys out. Is it okay? It seems to be a very popular question that is coming up a lot in a lot of conversations. In this article, the Girls Ask Guys Show is going to do a deep dive into this. We are going to examine this whole concept and hopefully point people in the right direction of their dating life.
This may seem like something that totally taboo to some women and to others this may seem totally okay. Others may feel totally petrified at the prospect of asking a guy out. Truth be told more women are taking charge of their love life and stepping up to make the first move. A surprise twist to the whole thing is that most guys are perfectly okay with it.
It is becoming more acceptable for women to ask a guy out on a date. As the gender roles start to become more relaxed and social norms and rules change. In a recent social experiment, about ninety-five percent of men accepted the woman’s offer. This is a good success rate in any book.
The Old Guard
The most publicized backlash that brought this topic to light was Michele Bachmann who stated “Nice girls don’t ask boys out on dates.” She went on to say “And our girls are not allowed to do that in our house. They have to wait for the boy to call.” then followed up later with “You don’t kiss boys, boys kiss you!”
The media and social media went into a frenzy over the statements. There is some good that came out of this. It brought to light that times are changing. That women are tired of waiting on the sidelines for some random guy to get up the courage to ask her out. Women are tired of leaving their love life at the doorstep of a guy’s level of underlying self-confidence to talk to her.
In the day’s past girls were taught from an early age several things their entire life. One of those was showing any kind of sexual interest or desire somehow makes her more masculine and emasculates the man. In other words, it is not polite manners to express your desires.
Traditional mating rituals are slowly breaking down but still exist. Standard rules say if a girl asks a guy on a date she is somehow desperate, or worse whoreish. The fact that women make conscious decisions of an independent nature goes against the relationship guide. Social convention and the good girl’s guide says it is the worst crime she can commit. The hardest part is her female friends make her feel like a passive recipient to the human race.
Another popular teaching is that women are to turn control of relationship decisions to the man. That women are to submit to the husband and obey him. It is the men who dominated courtship processes.
Even today these “rules” are nearly a universal status quo. The United States is almost 250 years old. Great Britain is almost 320 years old. Germany is almost 150, Australia is close to 190 years old, Modern India is nearly 75 years old. Japan and the Imperial family date back to 538 A.D.
Why has it taken so many years to allow women a happy dating life beyond passive participation?
The Other Factor
A lot of you may remember the original MeToo movement. What some of you may not know is the great number of question marks in the dating pool that happened in relative anonymity. An MTV survey of 1,800 people age 18-25. One out of three men were concerned that their actions might be perceived as sexual harassment.
The survey also shows that 40% of the men changed how they interact with a potential romantic partner. Then add that 70% of both men and women were unclear as to exactly what sexual harassment is.
Bringing sexual harassment to the forefront of conversation is important. It makes dating, sexual encounters, and mutual interaction safer for everyone. The unintended consequence is that concerns among men went up. The question was no longer just “what if she says no?” It also added “what if she says I’m harassing her?” to his thought process.
So what is a woman to do? She’s caught. Trapped between societal rules and men scarred that some kind of eye contact or hither smile during happy hour will land them in jail.
The New Way Of Thinking
The old way follows a familiar pattern. Boy meets girl then the girl waits around for a boy to ask her out before she gets tired of waiting and moves on.
Tired of sitting around on a weekend watching romantic comedies with a pint of ice cream. She sits and hopes that “someday” will become a day of the week, women started taking charge of their dating life. Some women wouldn’t even be in the dating world if they didn’t ask a guy out.
Both girls and guys started to realize that they both have the same mixed feelings. The women knew that guys were either shy or have a fear of rejection so the girl would hint to be asked out. Guys knew it was not socially acceptable for the girl to ask. The social rules stated that the guy had to reject a girl asking. The reason being she is one of “those” girls and his reputation is then tarnished through association. Slowly, over time, this is starting to change.
Just because a woman may be a single person doesn’t mean she is in a vulnerable position. It does not mean she belongs to a group of impatient folks.
Thanks to old fashioned ways, Michele Backmann, and MeToo a bigger picture was brought to the dating app culture and the entire dating game. This individual event sparked the next step to a nice dynamic change that allows women to ask for a potential date.
Decision Making Time
Here is an important factor to consider. A great number of women can be a corporate CEO. Women are elected leaders of nations and go into outer space. In many countries, women fight admirably on the front lines in military units, law enforcement, and firefighters alongside men. Asking a man on a date is somehow a social no-no. How does this make sense to anyone?
The good news is there is an increasing frequency of girls taking a simple step with a little confidence. They are asking guys out and having authentic interactions with a relatively high percent success rate. Many guys are finding themselves out of the friend zone because she felt about him how he felt about her. Instead of both of them living in fantasy land, they are now on a real date with a new whole relationship ahead of them.
In this dating app world, people are hungry for human contact. You, a courageous, successful single female can ask a guy for a date. Most men do not mind it in the least. In real life, many men find the most stressful part of the whole experience of dating is the asking part. Some men will gladly accept the friend zone first in hopes of eventually asking for a real-world date.
Ways To Ask A Guy Out
As a dating coach, or personal trainer for the dating world, here are some wonderful ways you can ask guys for a date.
Before we dive too far in, it would be irresponsible of us to not mention trusting your instincts. Your heart may be telling you one thing, but your gut is going to tell you if he is the right guy for you. Listen to yourself. On the same token, you want to know if what you are hearing is simply fear of rejection or something else.
On our podcast, we give lots of different ways to ask people out on a date. Believe it or not, the suggestions do work for all you women out there.
The Cold Approach
This is the ancient art of going up to a total stranger and having a cursory interaction. Just start talking and get his number or ask him out. Out of all the ways to ask someone out this is the boldest. It also has the least amount of mixed signals because of the mutual sizing-up that takes place. The rejection factor for this is 50/50. Some would say the ladies have a higher success rate. In real life, it is closer to fifty percent.
The Undercover Approach
We mainly teach three basic ways to ask people out. There is a fourth that works well for women. Sorry guys, your success rate with this is almost zero. The ladies out there have very high success with this because the man’s attention is on her.
To do this you need to get your female friends together and plan a group time. Then invite your man to join all of you for a great night out as a large group. The likely answer will be yes. The rejection factor with this type of action is really low. To the outside, this just looks like a group of friends getting together for a fun night on the town. With your girlfriends in on it, you can spend some time with him. On his side, he can see if there is any kind of romantic interest. If not then there isn’t any real harm done. You might be a little sad for a time. Then again it might just take a little time for him to come around. In any case, you made a new friend.
This one is John’s favorite. He has mentioned this in so many episodes it is practically a staple of the show. Rejection rates for this almost zero if you listen to the show and follow the steps.
The reason it works is that it’s safe and done during the day. It doesn’t last that long unless you want it to and there is no big financial cost. If he turns out to be one of those old school thinkers “me man, me in charge” types you can quickly stop him. The simple phrase “it’s just coffee, jeez” will make him feel like a total ass.
It’s no secret that guys are known for some pretty bad pick-up lines. Well, this one takes some courage to flip it around on them. The thing to remember with this is that you want it to come off as an obvious joke. It’s about making a memorable impression to spark up some interest.
Here are a few that John has heard to help you if you’re at a loss:
- “Nice shirt, is it made out of boyfriend material?”
- “I’ve lost my phone number. Can I borrow yours?”
- “There’s no better time to take me than now.”
- “Your eyes look like the ocean, and I’m lost at sea.”
- “You do know it’s physically impossible for my lips to kiss themselves.”
Can Girls Ask Guys Out
Is it okay for girls to ask guys on a date? In today’s world, it is perfectly fine to ask a guy out. Welcome to the human race all of you ladies out there. There is no reason why you shouldn’t. As a dating coach who has coached more than one great girl in my entire life, here is your short answer. Most guys do not mind.
Overall, the answer comes down to your own personal preference and your own unique experience. What’s the worst thing that can happen? He says no. Well, you weren’t going out with him before you asked. So what’s changed other than you taking charge of your future?
Our final take here at Girls Ask Guys Show: Ask away, ladies. Ask away.