Welcome to the Girls Ask Guys Show basic guide to a great kiss. Why a basic guide you ask? Well, we have the ultimate guide. That guide is housed in one of our courses and gives some additional tips that can, um, let’s say, get someone over the top. To get to that level though, this is a great place to start.
The question we regularly hear in various forms is “how do I know if I give a great kiss?” Or, “how can I become a great kisser?” The whole thing about a fantastic kiss is it is not that difficult. The important part of the best kisses is the positive emotion behind it. That is the major key behind a successful kiss and good lovin’.
Let’s dive into this topic and get you on your way to a new love attachment.
You know, love L-U-V.
If you would like to listen to our episode on this topic you can find it by clicking
The Kissing Department
What’s the difference between a good kiss, an ideal kiss, and a mind-blowing kiss? The answer is the entire mood that creates a full-bodied pleasure. The less pleasure the entire body has, the lower on the scale the kiss creates. Curious about that ultimate kissing guide yet?
A good kiss is okay. A way to show affection after a good date. It could be a French kiss with a little tongue. On the grand scale, it is not that memorable. You might want to check our ” How To Be Unforgettable” article.
The ideal kiss is a step up and can be more memorable. Think of it as an opening act to a good classical music piece. The whole body has a heightened sense of awareness. Your mind seems to enter a mental bubble in a beautiful, intimate way closing off the world around you.
The mind-blowing kiss? This is the good stuff most people want to know about. A kiss such as this happens with some proper arousal. You get some natural stimulants going and sexual compatibility starts to align. You have body language and there is an exciting excursion with a sensual touch.
That sexual energy is the basic motion of the coming sensual meditation the mind is about to have. It all starts with a single, soft kiss.
Let’s break all of this into small chunks.
A Great Kiss Is Not Science
If you think there is one thing you can do, other than fresh breath, to elevate your kiss to magical heights, stop it. Kissing is not a science. Science is all about being able to measure something with exact numbers. Get a few things off and the whole thing is screwed. Not in a good way. Think of kissing as an art form.
Art evokes emotion. Some people like photographs. Others prefer oil paintings. There are those who like statues or modern art. When it comes to kissing it’s an art form until you find what evokes the right emotion of your partner. Once you find that emotion, you have a good kiss at a basic level.
Whatever you do, don’t take kissing all that seriously. This will kill the mood as you are thinking about technique and instead of the other person. This will make you awkward which makes the moment awkward. The best tip is to be playful and to explore your art.
Be Present In The Moment
To have a great date you need to be present. To be decent at sex you need to be present. You need to present for a great kiss as well. In and of itself a kiss is a destination without an agenda. A proper kiss cannot take place if your mind is somewhere else.
When you are in the kiss and present you should be in total awareness of your partner. You should tune into their body language and their reactions. Are they leaning in or pulling away? Be aware of what is being said without words.
Another factor to a good kiss is both people begin to combine their best moves. That doesn’t mean bring the tongue in early. This means being open to different techniques. You adjust to their technique and start to introduce your own. Then you go back to their kissing technique.
This combination of compromise moves you from good to better.
The Art Of Kissing
You have a starting point for an amazing kiss. It’s not science and pay attention to who you are kissing. Be present at the moment to get a good sense of your partner.
A large complaint about kisses is that some people have “fish lips.” In basic terms, a person’s lips have no firmness to them.
Your lips should be soft and gentle, but add some firmness to them. Once you start the kiss, adjust your lips to the other person’s firmness level.
No one enjoys kissing squishy fish lips. A great kiss does not involve squishy lips.
A small step that can have a big impact is to make sure your lips are moisturized. Kind of sounds like one of those obvious silly things, but it’s not. Dry chapped lips can kill the mood instantly just as much as not having good breath.
Now that you understand that let’s get into the nuance of a great kiss.
Start With The Eyes
Don’t just gaze in their eyes. Use your eyes to make sure you are reading the situation correctly. Trying to kiss someone who is not ready isn’t a good thing.
For the sake of argument, we are going to say they are. Still, not really not sure? Just ask. A kind and sincere ‘May I kiss you’ is sometimes all that you need.
Don’t stare into their eyes like a total psycho, but a gentle gaze to read their cues. Then lean in as you see the time is right. When you see they are receptive, move in with your entire body.
Keep working your eyes, so they say what you are feeling to set the stage for a great kiss.
Kiss With Intent
When you start to go in for the first touch you want to be intentional. Let the other person feel your interest in them through your kiss. This doesn’t mean diving in and being aggressive. This also doesn’t mean the kiss is one-sided.
An expert kisser is an open-minded kisser. They are aware that different people have different preferences. Bring your partner pleasure but allow them to also bring you pleasure. That is part of the art of a great kiss.
Kissing for the sake of kissing has little meaning. You should mean it when you kiss someone. A kiss is a very intimate way of expressing passion and connecting with someone.
First Lip Contact
This is just the opening act, keep it slow and soft. You want to gauge the other person. A good reason to start slow is to make sure you are properly aligning the lips. You are also able to make sure you have the right head tilt.
An amazing kiss is about finding flow. A good kisser is able to tune into the rhythm you both have. You can take the lead if you want to. But sync with them first by matching pace and pressure before moving forward.
We know we said that kissing isn’t a science. But there is a little involved though. A study conducted by the University of Namur, Belgium published in 2014 showed that when people kiss their bodies sync.
There is a spike in their brain activity. The more you can match your partner’s pace and rhythm the more the brain activity harmonizes. There was even evidence of heartbeat and breathing rate harmonizing.
It goes further than that though. Another study from Rutgers University found that kissing causes adjusted levels of oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine. This is a natural chemical signature cocktail that scientists associate with bonding power, craving, increased libido, and obsessive thoughts.
In other words, all those sensory factors of sensual pleasure equal a feeling of love and attachment. Men may get a dose of a chemical called vasopressin that is a bonding and protective chemical.
To get all of this going, start slow with simple lip kisses to let the moment build.
On The Right Track
Many people consider a kiss a romantic behavior. Little, sweet kisses can be one of the sweetest pleasures as a prelude to a French kiss.
There was great eye contact where the eyes were doing the talking. You moved in with your entire body. Your first contact was soft and slow. Now what? Well, we are getting to the best part of the kissing style.
It’s not only what you do with your lips. It involves hand placement and how you use your hands. You can move from okay kisser to a kissing expert with someone who has never been kissed with roaming hands. Just make sure all touching is consensual.
Gently pull your partner into you. Then let your hands roam their back. Lower back to butt to upper thigh. Then up to shoulders and neck and lightly down the chest, if appropriate.
You can brush the cheek and jaw to up the romance. Another tip is to have your hands touching the body ninety percent of the time. Don’t always touch the face. Allow your hands to find all the secondary erogenous zones.
Here’s a tip for a more sexual fling synergistic spark. Interlock your fingers then lightly pin your partner against a wall. Don’t actually pin them. They can move if they want, but they allow themselves to be held in position.
Communication is key. Even the non-verbal kind. If you and your partner are comfortable with it, go for it.
The perfect smooch is taking shape. Your partner’s body and yours are beginning to become a perfect match. You are on your way to claim the title of a kissing expert.
You’re not quite there yet as this is still the opening act. We still need to develop a passionate kiss. As a universal rule, control how much you use the tongue. There is no such thing as a kiss that is known as a good wet one. Too much tongue becomes a drool fest.
Be courageous with your kissing. It’s not just lips and tongue touching.
Remember, it’s the whole body. You can do a light lower lip tug as the moment builds. Then, as you tug brush the lip with the tip of your tongue.
Again, pay attention to your partner and their reaction. The aim here is to gradually increase the intensity. Very little is needed for a decent kiss to become very heated.
You can then abandon lip to lip and explore other areas. Gently brush your lips past theirs as you move away. A great kiss happens when your partner gets full of sensory factors overload.
Change Things Up
Staying just to the mouth can be nice. However, long-drawn-out mouth kisses can start to chafe the lips. Also, not a lot of people like doing saliva shots. Move around a little when things start to heat up.
This allows the mouth to take a small break and builds that sexual attachment phase of a romantic relationship.
Allow your moistened lips to trace their jawline as you move away from their lips. Then do some light neck kisses. After that, you can move to do some light lip tugs on the ears before tracing back to the lips.
You can feel what your partner enjoys when you are paying attention. Just remember that too much of any one thing gets boring. Vary the length of kisses between the shorter kisses and longer ones. Some people enjoy the lite bites to their lip, on their necks, or along their collar bone. Switching up how and where you kiss can have profound effects. Don’t forget the hands. Remember, kissing is a total body experience.
Some people are not into biting. They may enjoy the gentle sucking instead. Then there are those who find tongue tracing to be really hot. This is all about flow, intent, and sharing the passion. Don’t think about it too much, just be in the moment. The whole thing becomes a natural and passionate connection.
You have probably noticed we haven’t mentioned a lot of tongue action. It’s for a good reason. A little goes a long way here. No one enjoys an unexpected tongue shoved in their mouth. It’s a good way to get it bitten when your partner pulls back and closes their mouth.
Keep it gentle, firm, and intentional. It shouldn’t feel like a fish flopping around in their mouth. They also don’t want to choke on your tongue. Start small with a light tongue touch of the lower lip. Then see how your partner reacts. If they are good with it, do a slightly longer one. A good indicator someone is ready is that their mouth will slightly open. This doesn’t mean full tongue action. Slow, always gradual build the intensity. Just touch their tongue with yours. Allow both of you to sync up again.
Use your tongue to give the kiss more passion. The tongue should not be central to the passion. Keep it to light use here and there. When your partner is ready and willing, use your tongue in slow stroking motions. Even then keep the use short to limit the chance of the kiss becoming sloppy. Too much saliva can end up in chaffed lips after the kiss.
Minimize it until you and your partner are ready to maximize it.
Basic Guide To Better Kissing
- Kissing is an art, not science.
- Be in the moment.
- Start with the eyes.
- Kiss with intent.
- Use your hands.
- Gradually increase intensity.
- Change things up.
- Control the use of the tongue.
You are too much in your head if you think kissing is difficult. There are no step-by-step rules for an awesome kiss. Everyone enjoys different types of kissing. That’s why we say to be open-minded about kissing.
We can only give you tools so you can develop your own unique kissing type behavior. Beyond that, the tools can help in the different types of situations you may find yourself in.
Even if you follow one or two of these tips, you can kiss more memorably than the last person they kissed.
Relax, have fun, and good kissing.
We have an episode on this topic if you would like to hear additional details on this topic. The podcast episode is titled “How To Elevate A Kiss.”