Dani States 0:01
Let’s be honest, there’s no guidebook when it comes to relationships. So we end up having to stumble through life trying to figure things out for ourselves. What if there was a podcast that found the answers for you that provided insight to build a successful relationship and ultimately find that companionship you’ve always hoped for? Welcome to the girls asked guy show where we answer the questions most people are afraid to ask when it comes to lessons in life and love. It’s time to master this thing called life together with your hosts, John and Ashley.
Ashley Sanders 0:33
And welcome back everybody to the girls ask guys show. Welcome to 10 minute Tuesday. My name is Ashley and with me is John, Everybody’s favorite who is too good to be true by the way. And in today’s 10 minute Tuesday we have how do we know if a relationship isn’t going to work.
John Newport 0:52
Yeah, that’s one of those questions that got sent in and it was hey we might as well go ahead and tackle it because we keep talking about how to build a great relationship. But how do you know if that relationship is going to work? Or if it’s doomed from the beginning? We might as well go ahead and break that down for you.
Ashley Sanders 1:10
Yeah, let’s do it. So I think, number one, it’s a great question. Right? It’s an excellent question to ask, because we always do focus on how to make a relationship work. But we never really focused on the concept of what happens. How do we see the signs of it? It doesn’t?
John Newport 1:25
Yeah, so what we’re going to be doing is we’re going to drop some knowledge on you. And we’re going to give you what is it? T he four most common points that you know, if these are happening, or if these are starting to happen, your relationship isn’t going to work. And we’re also going to give you like three questions that you have to ask, in order to answer whether that relationship is going to work or not.
Ashley Sanders 1:53
John Newport 1:53
It’s one of those things that really makes us unique. We focus on that, how to make the relationship, build the relationship, but we also give you the tools to make sure that you’re on the correct path. So that, well, you really don’t have to worry about if the relationship is going to work or not. Because everything is taken care of for you. You just have to do the work.
Ashley Sanders 2:19
Right. It’s literally half the friggin battle. And it’s very, very true. And I think a lot of it comes down to fear. When we talk about why a religion will work. A lot of the times we’re talking about, What are you afraid of? What are they afraid of? What are you guys afraid of together? And it’ll start like this. Number one, you’re not going out because you’re afraid. You’re not meeting people because you’re afraid. Or you’re like I like this person and you don’t even give them a chance because you’re afraid. Or as soon as there’s some sort of, I don’t wanna say red flag, like, as soon as you assume there’s a red flag, you run away because you’re afraid.
John Newport 2:54
Yeah, there’s this girl at work that I’ve been talking to. And I literally just walked up to her one day, started conversation. And I flat out told her, I like you. And the look on her face was kind of, well she was wearing mask, but her eyes kind of like got a little bit big. And she’s like, Whoa. I was look, you don’t have to worry, I’m not gonna sit there and stalk you and stuff like that. I’m not going to ask you for any more than you were willing to give. I’m not going to ask you to do anything you’re not willing to do. Really, she was like, Wow, okay. And we continued talking for about the next well, we were on the casino floor. But we continue to talk for about the next 30 seconds that we had available for I got some kind of Call of my radio, but it was that kind of thing. And we’ve continued to talk ever since. And I’ve lived up to my promise I’ve not asked her for anything more than she’s willing work can give is taking that risk. Now I could have sat there and go, Oh, well, she’s she’s busy right now. So I’m not going to talk to her. Well, she’s, I don’t know. I mean, maybe she’s in a relationship. I really don’t know. So well. Fuck it. Why? Why even bother? It’s those kind of fears that you have to overcome. take a risk. Show some confidence.
Ashley Sanders 4:18
Yeah, I agree. Actually. take a risk issue some confidence, stop being afraid. It’s okay. Like it’s okay to feel that everyone when you’re getting back out there or before you even start to get out there. You’re gonna feel that fear. But if you let that fear go, and you just got to meditate, breathe your way through it, you’ll realize that instead of projecting fear, you’ll be projecting confidence you’ll be projecting openness. And we’ve seen that the reason a relationship ends when it really comes down to it is about four different traits.
John Newport 4:46
Yeah, with the four most common things that we see, when working with couples or when we start talking with clients and going into their past relationships. They start describing what their past relationships look like. And these are the four most common things that keep coming up. We’ll give you one of them, just because it is like the most common one that people have to deal with. But you’re gonna have to listen in Thursday in order to get the other three. And that one that we see the most of is indifference.
Ashley Sanders 5:21
Yeah, it’s a tough one too.
John Newport 5:23
It’s a tough one because it kind of creeps in. And really indifference is one of those that you see inside of an ambiguous relationship is just not mentally there for the other person anymore. And they are not there for you.
Ashley Sanders 5:38
Yeah, and when it happens, like you said, It creeps up. When it happens, whether you’re the indifferencee, or indifferenceer, to know that you once cared about someone like you would move the end of the earth for someone or they would move the end of the earth for you. And to get to a point where you just simply are indifferent about it. It hurts to think that this person is the person I wanted. My soul ache for. Yeah, I desired. I am my soul ached for them. And now, I don’t give a fuck.
John Newport 6:06
Yeah, you’re just kind of there, you’re like two roommates who just happen to share the same bed, share the same bathroom lounge around in the same living room, may watch TV show together, maybe a movie. Every now and then maybe once in a while. Have some sex but it’s boring.
Ashley Sanders 6:27
John Newport 6:28
Ashley Sanders 6:30
Hey, you want to play some cards, I’m bored. We’re gonna play gin rummy, like we do every Thursday. And it just becomes indifferent stems from predictability.
John Newport 6:37
Yes, you become like overly predictable, but there’s nothing there to desire there’s no excitement, there’s no adventure, all that stuff is missing. kind of got the permanence. They’re not gonna leave, they’re gonna have to save up some cash get another place. So, they’re not going anywhere.But that really sucks. And you’re just left needing and wanting something more?
Ashley Sanders 7:00
John Newport 7:01
So the question becomes, how do you get to that point, when at the beginning of the relationship, you were like all over each other. And you just could not wait to see them and you were texting each other back and forth forever? And you’re sorry that you were five minutes late answering the last text? How do you get that? How do you get from that to you just don’t matter that much anymore? How do you get there?
Ashley Sanders 7:28
Before we get into that a little bit more indifference is not the same as comfort?
John Newport 7:32
Ashley Sanders 7:32
You can confuse the two easily. But they’re very different.
John Newport 7:37
Yeah, there’s more to it than just that to to kind of run hand in hand. But you know, when you experience it.
Ashley Sanders 7:45
When you see it. Yeah.
John Newport 7:46
You know, when you feel it?
Ashley Sanders 7:47
John Newport 7:48
And there’s a lot more that goes into it. We just can’t go into it, and cover everything within 10 minutes. That’s why it’s its own show. But indifference is one of those that it’s easy to spot when you know what’s happening. But there is no
Ashley Sanders 8:03
John Newport 8:04
Yeah, the thing about our show is on this whole thing of whether it’s going to work or not. There are no cookie cutter answers. everything can happen very slowly over time. It can happen very quickly. It can happen from one person or both people contributing to it. So if you want to know is this relationship that you’re in, or the relationship you’re thinking about going into, or even the marriage that you have, is it going to work long term? Or is it not?
Ashley Sanders 8:32
John Newport 8:32
There are no hard answers, you’re going to have to kind of take this stuff and apply it and look at it objectively for yourself.
Ashley Sanders 8:40
Yeah, exactly. We could obviously say, Hey, this is a red flag. This is like we could go off and name a million deal breakers. But that doesn’t make it true. You know, like, I think that’s one thing that gurus do that annoys the shit out of me. If they’re this, then this doesn’t work. It’s not true. Sometimes when someone cheats, a couple can move forward from it.
John Newport 8:58
Sometimes people cheat on the other person, with the other person’s actual knowledge, they actually have permission to do it.
Ashley Sanders 9:05
John Newport 9:05
I have seen that. That is…
Ashley Sanders 9:07
John Newport 9:08
It’s a new thing. It’s a relatively new thing that couples are trying all around the world where their relationship is at a rock hard standstill. They don’t want to really get a divorce because they still care about each other. There is an element of desire, but the other person desires something different. So they give a night off and permission to do whatever.
Ashley Sanders 9:33
John Newport 9:34
And then they come back and they discuss what happened. And they move on from there. I was like, wait a minute. This is a thing.
Ashley Sanders 9:42
Yeah, it’s it’s crazy. Yeah.
John Newport 9:46
I’ve heard about open relationships. I’m very good friends with a. He’s still a pickup artist. He’s still running in school, but he’s in an open relationship. So this guy, he’s in an open relationship, but I’ve never heard of a committed relationship. Were they just like, take a night off and give a hall pass?
Ashley Sanders 10:05
John Newport 10:05
That was something new.
Ashley Sanders 10:07
You do what you got to do you know, and you do what makes you happy. And that’s what it comes down to. Ultimately, when we asked the question, how do we know if a relationship isn’t working. And I think we can simplify by saying, if you listen to the show on Thursday, we’ll get into those four in depth things. And when you will assess your relationship with the person, if you feel like you’re either experiencing those, or you know, you’re experiencing those and you can’t talk to your partner about it. That’s when you know, for a fact, it’s not gonna work.
John Newport 10:33
Yeah, that’s my hard line is right there. If you cannot openly Express and communicate what is taking place, or your partner is not willing to do that with you. That is when I’m like, this is not going to work long term, you might as well call it quits right now. But you have to hit those checkpoints. First, you have to know what you’re looking for, how to assess it, and where to progress from there.
Ashley Sanders 10:59
I agree. And I think that’s really where we want to leave it just so you guys listen to the show on listen to the three extra you know, warning signs, make sure that you’re listening back to our previous show about desire, because that plays a big role into it too. Guys, as always, make sure you’re like, rate, share and subscribe. Tell you mom’s telling your friends so everyone, you know, tap a stranger and say. Hey, have you listened to the girls ask guys show lately, because I think it’s wonderful. Make sure you freakin comment. Make sure you are telling us how wonderful we’re doing. Check on our website, keep checking back on our new courses. And then just once again, if you need anything, if you want to just say Hi, we are on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, I believe…
John Newport 11:34
Ashley Sanders 11:36
And then just make sure that Yeah, make sure you hit us up. If you have any questions. If you have any show ideas. If you want to be on the show. Just say hey, john, and Ashley, listened to your show. I think I could be a great guest. And here’s why. And we will get back to you.
John Newport 11:47
Yes, yeah. And if this over one of our like, longtime previous episodes, like season two, more than likely we’re not gonna be able to fit you in.
Ashley Sanders 11:57
John Newport 11:57
There’s a lot that has happened since then. So do appreciate it. But we don’t want to bring up some of those old episodes not because they don’t fit or what we talked about doesn’t work it’s that we’ve gone a lot further in depth.
Ashley Sanders 12:11
It’s we just have a strategy now. Yeah.
John Newport 12:13
Ashley Sanders 12:13
Worst case scenario, we say yes. If it’s something cool, we’ll definitely consider and talk about it. Always make sure like I said commenting is important. All the reviews guys. We’ve surpassed their numbers and I just think it’s amazing. So john, if you don’t have anything else?
John Newport 12:27
Yeah, I don’t have anything else for this Ten Minute Tuesday because we are like getting close to being overtime. Nope, we’re overtime. Anyway, so with that, we will talk to you on the next one.
Dani States 12:39
That’s all for this episode of the girls ask guys show where all of us learn to master this thing called life together. For more answers to your questions on life and love. Be sure to subscribe to the show so you don’t miss a single episode. and head to girls ask guys show.com to submit your questions for a future episode, or apply to be a guest on the show. Good luck out there. And we’ll catch you next time right here on the girls ask guys show,