How to kiss better

What is it about kissing that makes it so elusive to find that perfect kiss? Where did it come from? Do men and women see it differently?

While this isn’t everything I know on the topic of the kiss and how to be better, it does show that it is more than two people just mashing their faces together. And, I back it up what I say with links to the actual research.

Let’s get our learnin’ on.

Kissing better

In the 1960s and 1970s, aspects of romance took a back seat as the sexual revolution took hold. So, for many of you thank your parents or grandparents for placing the kiss on the back burner. So, as they grew up they really didn’t see what a great kiss could like unless they watched old black and white movies with staged kissing.

The kiss is believed to come from the days of cavemen. This may sound disgusting, and there is no real proof, but hang with me for a second. Before we had jarred peas and carrots mothers had to chew the food to feed infants. With this in mind, it stands to reason that a kiss could have been a form of expression for wishing another healthy life. Assuming there was no formal language.

How do we learn to kiss?

Another theory is that it was learned from animals. The Chimpanzee kisses similar to humans with lips-on-lips. While the bonobo apes actually kiss with their tongues. Further observation shows that horses, turtles, fish, polar bears, and even the kangaroo all show a form of kissing.

Avoid being a bad kisser

passionate kiss can use up to 39 facial muscles and burn about 150 calories if you are using the tongue. That’s like going for a 15-minute swim or walking uphill with a 40-pound pack. Not to mention research done by Santa Clara University has shown that kisses that are long and steady can reduce the chances of a stroke by lowering blood pressure and cholesterol levels.

Kissing plays such an important role in relationships that author Sheril Kirshenbaum found in a survey that 66% of women and 56% of men will end a relationship because of a bad kiss. A study done by the American Psychological Society found that 90% of people remember the details of first romantic kiss better than their first sexual encounter.

A study was conducted at New York State University Albany where it was revealed that men tend to view kissing as a means to an end. However, women view the kiss as a way of developing a deeper relationship. On that note, the same study revealed that men prefer open-mouth kissing, and women’s chief complaint is too much tongue.

One quote I ran across from a college senior “The worst kiss is the kind when a serpent just entered your mouth and is swirling around inside of it.”

There are some basic elements to a great kiss. Here are some of the core basics to help set people on the right path. Most of these come from the studies I noted above. I’ve also included a few tips that most people prefer.

Tips for kissing

Bad Breath

At the very top of the list is a bad breath. 69% of women and men say this is the #1 mood killer. Chapped and flakey lips and stained teeth followed. Brush and floss your teeth, drink water, have a mint. Water? It helps with saliva production that limits bacteria growth on the tongue where 90% of bad breath comes from.

If you are going out to eat, say Italian, which has lots of garlic and onions. If your date isn’t having a garlic and onion meal, order something else. If both of you are having the same course, your safe because the shared scents are in sync afterward and not really noticed.

Chapped lips

Smooth, soft, healthy lips help entice a kiss. To keep your lips kissably ready use a moisturizer with at least SPF 15 in the summer months. During the winter when you have sun and dry air use a balm before your lips dry out. The best time is right before bed when you can use it to moisturize throughout the night.

Don’t use moisturizers or balms that contain camphor or menthol. These can make chapped lips worse as they are intended to treat cold-sores by drying them out.

Lipstick and kissing

Ladies – Lipstick

Did you know that your lips become more red and fuller when you desire a kiss? Absolutely true. An average person’s heart rate is about 72 beats per minute. An average aroused person has a heart rate of around 95. The increased blood flow makes the lips more red, full, and softer. When women use red lipstick they are mimicking this appearance.

However, about 1/3 of men prefer skin-on-skin contact when kissing. The studies vary widely, but the middle ground is around one-third. Men also don’t want to end up wearing make-up on their lips or their shirt.

With or Without, what do you do? You can try going without as most men do prefer the natural or no-lipstick look. Behavioral scientists actually discovered most women will press their teeth together and use a light biting action to increase blood flow and make their lips redder when anticipating a kiss. Most men and women will also lick their lips to wet them just before kissing. What is the solution? There is no easy answer as it could spoil the mood. A middle ground would to apply it, then remove most to just leave a rosy tint.

Facial hair and kissing

Gents – Facial Hair

Whether or not to grow facial hair is along the same lines of women and lipstick. Studies show most women do not like getting close to a guy with extremely short facial hair. Only about a third of women actually have no problem with it. The reason is comfort. The stubble look actually gives women small cuts that leave their skin painfully tender. Most describe it as rubbing against sandpaper.

Beards are generally more comfortable, but it is possible to give her what is known as beard burn. It comes from the stiff, wiry hairs.

A lot of women like the ruff unshaven look from afar, not so much when it’s up against their softer skin.

Top kissing tips


Most women prefer a guy to take charge during a kiss. Just slow down and don’t be too aggressive.

Adjust to your partner so you are using the right amount of pressure, tongue, and lips.

Make sure the setting is appropriate. What can be truly breathtaking in private, doesn’t really work in public view.