I tried audio porn for the first time:
Here’s what I think!

Women and porn
Okay, let’s get the elephant out of the room: Women watch porn. Whether we watch it for the techniques, or to be satisfied is none of your business, just know we watch it! It turns out that these pleasurable videos also come in audio format. I’m sure I’m absolutely late to this party, but I’m old school AF. Call me old fashion if you must: but there’s nothing quite like hitting ctrl+shift+n on my google chrome, locking my doors, checking to make sure my webcam isn’t on, and just skipping through those videos…it’s just so shamefully delightful.

Anyway, I was perusing around a group and I saw a comment a woman made about how audio porn is her favorite thing. Naturally, I HAD to know what it was and I have to tell you I was surprised by it. You see, I had those beautiful ideas in my mind. Lovely background noises that complimented the epic erotic storyline that would lead to the ultimate release. Instead, I got a very familiar feeling.

Good porn

“Hello, disappointment my old friend.”

Do you want to talk about let down? I click play and I hear a crusty mouth breather describing what I consider to be the most off-putting and vulgar sex scene I’ve ever had the displeasure of hearing. I thought to myself, so many people can’t be pushing their buttons to these basement dwellers perverted melody? I’m wrong. Remember: Not reading the comments is straight-up self-care sometimes.

I, being the unbiased person I am, said “let’s try another one…I was not only completely turned off, I found myself laughing and editing it to make it sound sexier. I tried about 6 videos, so all in all, I spent an hour listening to men, women and what I’m pretty sure was one of those anti-tobacco commercial spokespeople. Clearly, this isn’t my thing at all and that’s okay. I saw around 1.5 million people enjoy the fantasy so I’m glad it has its place in the world, that place is just away from me.

Kink shame

Before you start calling me a vanilla weirdo

I don’t want people to sound like I’m kink-shaming. If “Weeaboo Virgin in A Minor” is your jam, please by all means keep it up. As for me and my perversions, I’m sticking to my delightful shame. Do you know what I found the most interesting? I’m also a fan of written #erotica, but there’s something about someone saying it allowed, it just creeps me out.

So to everyone out there who’s curious, give it a try. I can certainly tell you, this isn’t my jam one bit and I’ll just stick to the written and scripted.