Dani States 0:01
Let’s be honest, there’s no guidebook when it comes to relationships. So we end up having to stumble through life trying to figure things out for ourselves. What if there was a podcast that found the answers for you? That provided insight to build a successful relationship and ultimately find that companionship you’ve always hoped for? Welcome to the Girls Ask Guys Show where we answer the questions most people are afraid to ask when it comes to lessons in life and love. It’s time to master this thing called life together with your hosts, John and Ashley.
Ashley Sanders 0:36
And Welcome back, everybody to the girls ask guys show where we are your love guide, you’re getting guides, hurricanes, tidal waves, small bits of sunshine, and Marvin Gaye guides. Sure why not.
John Newport 0:49
We’re the blurry blob at the edge of the universe. And we’re gonna make this thing crystal clear.
Ashley Sanders 0:55
That’s it. Look at that.
John Newport 0:57
Posted up they saw the edge of the universe and it nothing but a great big, huge blurry blob. We’ll find out 250,000 years if that’s true or not. Anyways, we are talking about online dating. And we’re gonna throw some pretty good stories at you today. And then Thursday. Yeah, we’re going to start breaking this thing down into just how you really shouldn’t do it.
Ashley Sanders 1:20
Yeah, like online dating is not our thing. And you’ll find out more why. But I think today we’re just going to kind of have some fun with this. And we’re going to read some stories that really hit home. Why online dating is so freakin useless.
John Newport 1:33
These are actual stories that were published. The first one, and this one I’ve got a hit on because I have a guy at work that does this. And it’s like every other day. So this woman, she went on a date with this guy. He took her to her favorite sushi restaurant. They got dessert, they went for a short walk. They talked for a little bit. And at the end of the date, he goes, I love you.
Ashley Sanders 1:57
I’m gonna be honest with you. Ashley is a lover, a monogamous lover? I fall in love, like often. And unhealthily, so I’ve been there, but I never, I couldn’t. You couldn’t fucking catch me doing the I would have to literally leave the date if I’ve really felt like an overwhelming sense of I’m gonna tell us Magellan Robin salesperson. I love him. Like, no, no,
John Newport 2:26
Yeah, this girl to this poor guy. He had their entire life figured out he was ready for full commitment. If it wasn’t I love you it was, would you marry me?
Ashley Sanders 2:38
Right? And I do, I really do feel bad for the guy because it happens. Sometimes you have these really great dates with people. And if you haven’t been on a date in a while, it starts to feel like that. But no, listen, guys. No.
John Newport 2:51
No, just No.
Ashley Sanders 2:53
John Newport 2:54
I was talking to Ashley before the show, I have these phases that I go through and use these as my checkpoints. It depends on how often I’m thinking about person. And the way that I’m feeling about them. And have they met my requirements. As far as, do they have the traits that I need in order for the relationship to work between us. Because they don’t have the traits, it’s not going to work? Something’s going to be missing, and I’m always gonna be frustrated. First, they have to catch my attention. If they don’t catch my attention. There’s nothing there.
Ashley Sanders 3:26
She caught his attention.
John Newport 3:28
She definitely caught his attention. And then there’s attraction, which probably happened like three seconds after attention. Then I move into curiosity I want to know more about them. And more I learned about and then I’m moving to intrigue, and then from intrigue, then start getting into that whole honeymoon thing. That’s like the infatuation point where you just want to spend every waking moment you possibly can with them. Then that moves into – okay, now I’m ready to move into commitment. Those are my phases. See he went from attraction to commitment.
Ashley Sanders 4:03
I do something like that. But I think, like said I’m a lover.
John Newport 4:07
Ashley Sanders 4:08
But I would just never like and I think that’s the message here, guys and girls Listen, it is okay to feel like that. If you have a date that went really well and you’re like I could see a future with this person. I really like them. But never ever speak about it. You keep it to yourself until is the appropriate amount of time. It’s not the next date.
John Newport 4:29
No. For me, I can go out and I can; I analyze shit. That’s what I do. I’m analytical I analyze everything. That imperfection are my biggest weak points. Perfection is number one.
Ashley Sanders 4:42
John Newport 4:43
Analysis is number two.
Ashley Sanders 4:44
A perfectionist. John?
John Newport 4:46
Oh, no. Not me. It only took me a year to get the darn website up.
Ashley Sanders 4:54
I don’t see it.
John Newport 4:56
Am I here, or am I there? Have I moved into more intrigue, or do I still want to find out more about them? And if I’m real with myself really honest with who I am, I’m going to be like, yeah, I’m still in curiosity. I’m not in to intrigue yet.
Ashley Sanders 5:12
Yeah. See, I’m just like, does it feel like love? It’s love?
John Newport 5:16
I had one girl asked me when we first sat down for our first date. She asked me. So you said you’d like me? Why do you like me?
Ashley Sanders 5:25
John Newport 5:27
I was able to go through point by point,
Ashley Sanders 5:29
You had a PowerPoint ready didn’t you? I can see it? You had like a red laser and everything.
John Newport 5:34
Well I was sitting there, I was like, okay, well, when we first met our very first introduction, we were standing at this point. You had your tray, this is what was on your tray. And she’s like, you can remember that stuff? And I was like, when stuff hits me as being important. I remember every single detail is like a movie. It’s like streaming online. I fast forward back it up. But I remember our first conversation was she was wearing
Ashley Sanders 6:00
John Newport 6:01
Everything. And I see this in you, I see this in you and this is why.
Ashley Sanders 6:05
Crying probably crying.
John Newport 6:07
She was like, “Wow.”
Ashley Sanders 6:08
Yeah, it’s true though. When you feel that way about someone, it’s very easy to remember all that stuff. And very easy to replay it. And I think that’s what happens to some people as they get stuck. And by some people I’m those people. You get stuck in the fantasy world, or the romanticizing. And the romantic aspect. This guy didn’t even make it out the parking lot, though. So he’s in a different league than I am.
John Newport 6:31
Yeah, scary. But this is like,
Ashley Sanders 6:33
John Newport 6:34
This went from online. If I stick with the normal rules that I’ve read about online dating, it’s about no more than 10 messages, period. No more than 10 messages before you ask them out. So normally, a lot of people they say five or six.
Ashley Sanders 6:49
Some people is the same night.
John Newport 6:52
I’m talking about messages back and forth.
Ashley Sanders 6:53
For some people, it’s literally just just happening.
John Newport 6:55
Yeah, it’s like, Hey, how are you want to go out? Sure. Okay, but this is like their very first date. And this guy’s like, I’m in love.
Ashley Sanders 7:03
I tell you. There is nothing wrong with feeling like that, guys, but keep it to your fucking self. Please always keep it to yourself.
John Newport 7:11
Let’s see. Do we have another one?
Ashley Sanders 7:13
We have time for one more.
John Newport 7:14
Oh, my gosh. All right people. So we have one more for you. And this one is a doozy.
Ashley Sanders 7:22
What the fuck? People this is like the proof that I need that solidifies I am done with I will never get date anybody I meet online, that is. Oh my god.
John Newport 7:37
So she says that they met on an online dating app. They met up they went to dinner. And then on their way home. While they were walking, he tells her that he believes the only way to make a connection with somebody is to be locked in a room with them until they become friends.
Ashley Sanders 7:59
And then she goes by saying no, but she got the hell out of there.
John Newport 8:02
Ashley Sanders 8:04
Good choice. What does that even mean?
John Newport 8:06
You’re two adults. And you’re on a date. And then you’re going to voluntarily lock yourself in a closet for five seconds in heaven.
Ashley Sanders 8:16
What does that even mean? He had the audacity and the bravery to say that he’s crazy. That man is literally got other women in his basement. Like who says shit like that?
John Newport 8:27
We’re not friends yet. You can’t leave?
Ashley Sanders 8:30
Where are you going?
John Newport 8:31
Step away from the knife?
Ashley Sanders 8:34
Yeah, right? He puts the lotion in the basket dude. Like that’s all I keep thinking of. This man is gonna kill you. Like if you guys want to do an escape room together? That’s the safer way to say that.
John Newport 8:46
Yeah, you’re kind of on a time limit. But still, what the hell?
Ashley Sanders 8:50
So somebody else isn’t like locked up in a room?
John Newport 8:52
The only thing I can think I can’t think of is that he took lessons from the guy from two weeks ago. What goes through your head when you think that telling somebody this date’s not over until we lock ourselves in a room until we become friends?
Ashley Sanders 8:53
What am I going to go to your house?Absolutely not.
John Newport 9:09
It just boggles my mind. I mean, it reminds me of some clients that I fired. I was like, I’m not the coach for you. Go away.
Ashley Sanders 9:16
Please, please go away.
John Newport 9:17
Your list of standards. Here’s a coach that I know. It’s $730 they teach you how to manifest.
Ashley Sanders 9:23
Here’s a coach I know. Names Dr. Phil you fucking creep. Like that is so creepy to me. And I can only imagine the look on someone’s face if they say that seriously. Well, I think like I just picture like the SAW doll or something like that. Fucking weird man.
John Newport 9:41
There’s just one girl that I talked to at work, and I can tell when she started getting annoyed because of some of the people that come into the resort.
Ashley Sanders 9:50
Oh, everyone who comes into a casino isn’t super happy and not annoying.
John Newport 9:53
Well, our new poker room is like off the casino floor. So it’s an extremely long walk from where they get all the drinks prepared by the bartenders. Then they have to carry it out the casino down a hallway through another door. It’s a friggin walk. They go in there, they take all the orders from all the poker tables, and then they come back and they start dropping everything off. And you got this one dumb ass that’s been sitting there. And when she asked “Do you want something?” They go, “No.” Then she comes back, “Uh can you get me a couple shots?” And she’s like, “What the fuck? You couldn’t ask me five minutes earlier?” So when I left work today, I was like, “So if I leave, I’m not going to come back and find like a murder scene. Am I?” And she’s like, “No, but you can bring me a pillow.” I said I’ll bring you one.
Ashley Sanders 10:43
Well, if you leave with that guy, you will. Cuz he’s fucking weird dude. I cannot get over the fact that he, he was brave enough to admit that he’s literally a fucking creep. And if you have justification for this. Yeah, please say something to us. If you can understand why somebody would say this. I need to know I need to understand this. Because this is fucking that’s fucking weird. It’s not only a red flag. It’s a red, blue, green Navy. Like whatever color you want. It’s every flag.
John Newport 11:09
This is the SOS signals being fired up in the air.
Ashley Sanders 11:13
Right? I would have definitely called the cops or something.
John Newport 11:16
Apparently, there wasn’t any follow up explanation that this guy gave because she just like nope, and I got the hell out out of there.
Ashley Sanders 11:25
What do you want to hear after that?
John Newport 11:25
Oh, I’m just joking.
Ashley Sanders 11:25
Like, No, you aren’t. You’re fucking disturbed? Like. Eww, no, thank you.
John Newport 11:31
I sometimes say stuff like this. But my tone of voice my body language. Everything. Pretty much says I’m joking. I’m fucking with you.
Ashley Sanders 11:40
Yeah. And also, it’s probably on like the third or fourth date. It’s not when I just fucking meet you. And I’m like walking down a fucking alley with you alone? Like,
John Newport 11:49
Well, they already know me because we’ve already been talking because I actually meet people in person. Not online.
Ashley Sanders 11:54
It’s Different. Yeah, well, they can understand your sense of humor. Isn’t that crazy.
John Newport 11:57
Even some of the girls that I have met online, and they’re not through dating apps, these are like through social media. Some of the girls that I have met there, we talk so much. And you just ask Ashley I don’t send short messages, my stuffs like pages long. So when I send them my little mini novels, they actually know and get a good sense of who I am. And my sense of humor. So when I say,
Ashley Sanders 12:22
See why you don’t date online?
John Newport 12:23
Yeah. Yeah, because they only limit me to a couple 100 characters. I can’t do it.
Ashley Sanders 12:29
That’s true. You probably struggle with Twitter. I didn’t even imagine 120 characters. John’s like that’s the introduction.
John Newport 12:36
Have you seen our Twitter page?
Ashley Sanders 12:40
I’m gonna lie and say yes.
John Newport 12:43
It’s just our show posts. That’s it.
Ashley Sanders 12:45
Yeah. It’s just our shows.
John Newport 12:47
It’s about to change, though. But even some of the most recent stuff I put up, I called up one of my exes. And I was like, could you help me with this? Because I can’t do it. So the posts that you see out there, right now, were actually written by one of my ex girlfriends.
Ashley Sanders 13:02
Oh, that’s really funny. Like, I’m struggling, why what’s going on? I can’t do a hundred. I have 700,000 things to say. That’s very funny. I appreciate that. That’s hilarious.
John Newport 13:10
I have 210 characters. I can’t figure out how to bring it down. It’s like “What?”
Ashley Sanders 13:15
I could see that happening. And I’m – that’s hysterical.
John Newport 13:18
Whatever the character limit is, I was exceeding it by like, 50 characters I couldn’t it out. I couldn’t.
Ashley Sanders 13:23
That’s funny. See guys this is why we are vehemently against online dating. These two stories while hilarious in nature. There’s actual stories that are horror stories. And obviously, Thursday, we’ll talk more about that. But we cannot stress enough how not just dangerous but how ridiculous,
John Newport 13:44
It’s just toxic,
Ashley Sanders 13:45
John Newport 13:46
There’s no other word for it. And online dating has now crept over into everybody’s daily life. And that’s what we’re gonna be talking about Thursday.
Ashley Sanders 13:55
John Newport 13:56
And if you’re lowering your expectations, because of how you’re being treated on online dating sites. Listen to that show. This is stuff that put it this way. Eharmony funded the research for that study, and it backfired on them.
Ashley Sanders 14:09
Didn’t go so, well for them.
John Newport 14:11
So with that, we will talk to you on the next one.
Dani States 14:15
That’s all for this episode of the Girls Ask Guy Show where all of us learn to master this thing called life together. For more answers to your questions on life and love. Be sure to subscribe to the show so you don’t miss a single episode. And head to Girls Ask Guys Show dot com to submit your questions for a future episode. Or, apply to be a guest on the show. Good luck out there. And we’ll catch you next time right here on the Girls Ask Guys Show.