This is a compilation of traits that I have put together from years of observation and curiosity. Why was it some guys could, and others could not get the girls they were interested in. After lots of interactions and talking with women, I was able to narrow down 14 traits that I found most women desire in a man.
I’m not covering things such as hygiene, working out, or how a man should dress. The traits I’m covering are more of how a man carries himself. His internal traits that women tend to pick up on.
These are in no particular order as every woman is different. Some of these traits may be more desirable by one woman and less desirable by another. Another thing I want to point out is that some of these are very similar, may overlap a bit, but are defined differently.
So, let’s get on with this.
We as men hear this all the time. But, what does this mean exactly? To me, it means that I trust my faculties. I see the risk and I’m willing to take it. I know that if a girl tries to test the boundaries that I have established in our meeting, I will be able to handle it. I’m secure in who I am and aware of the value I am bringing to the interaction. If I don’t know my value, how is going to know? Why would she even care who I am? I have to be willing to share, and bring to the table, my true personality.
Men see this one all-time as well. It’s damn near a universal constant. “I want a guy who can make me laugh”, “I like to laugh.” Here’s the thing, humor is different for every person. Some like slap-stick, some like improv, others like dry. Each style of humor has it’s own characteristics. One girl may think ‘Jack Ass’ is funny, but may not get George Carlin’s style. Humor can be a learned skill. If you are not that funny learn the structure and you can raise how humorous you are in a given situation.
Okay, I get it, we live in an age where the gender roles are “blurring.” As a general rule though I believe most heterosexual women want a masculine guy. What does this mean though? It means you are a little bit rugged. You’re not going to cry at the end of Titanic when Jack decides to drown ‘for love’ instead of climbing up on the damn wooden panel. You’re not afraid to get your hands dirty, and you’re self-sufficient. You take care of yourself and don’t have a melting snowman physique by age 30. Meaning you can lift more than a potato chip and a beer by age 32.
This is something many guys get wrong. Even though I approach a girl and I want the interaction to work out in my favor. I want her to like me. I don’t need it to work, I don’t need her to like me. I’m not going to be super aloof and hope she gets my vibe. At the same time, I’m not going to jump into her space either. I’m just going to place myself in the middle and give her the opportunity to close the distance between us. From a cocky standpoint, I could say “My life is awesome as it is, you would simply be a bonus within it. You can join me, or not.”
The ability to inspire others around you. Demonstrating that you can play nice with other people. You make plans, you are able to figure things out if the plans don’t work. At least have a plan B or C. As part of leading, you are also okay with following every now and then. A cocky attitude with this would be “Here is my story, use it as inspiration in your own life. I’m fine with your opinion, even if I don’t agree. I’m also willing to follow your advice if you have a better way of doing things.”
Meaning that you are decisive. You’re not afraid of making a decision. You’re not afraid to speak your mind or express your feelings on a subject. You want a specific social outcome, and you are going to stand up for that outcome. Don’t be wishy-washy when asked what you want to do. When she asks what you want to do, don’t reply with “Oh, I don’t know. I guess we could maybe, you know…” No, make a damn decision. This isn’t an excuse for being an ass just to get your way. Leave room for other people’s opinions. A cocky way of putting this is “Everything I do is for me. I don’t need other people’s permission to do something.”
7. Self Reliance
Similar to masculinity and leadership you are able to solve problems. You’re not going to cry and get all flustered if your car dies midway through a date. You can examine the problem, research it, and fix the problem. Whether it’s calling a tow truck and getting an Uber, or breaking out the tools. You can handle the situation, or at least attempt to handle it. A cocky extension of this would be “I don’t need other people’s validation, I’m not afraid to disappoint somebody else. But, I’m going to make the best out of this.”
This doesn’t mean that your out there with loads of cash, and a successful CEO. It means you have an awareness of where you want to go in life. It means you know what your goals are and you are moving towards those goals in a concerted fashion. It doesn’t mean you are in some comfort zone sitting on the couch eating a box of Ho-Ho’s while binge-watching ‘Maniac’ or ‘Black Mirror.’ You actually get off your ass and make shit happen. A cocky standpoint would be “I’m leading my own life. I’m not trying to weasel my way into yours. Join me on my journey, and you can play a role in me attaining my success.”
A little abstract as it was hard to nail down what was being told to me. Many girls express this as “adventurous” but don’t define it exactly like that. What I really got is the idea that you are not being constrained by social restraints or conditioning. In other words, you really don’t care what other people think, you don’t stay within your little socially-expected box. You’re not going through life in a walking daze simply following the crowd while doing as your told. You have a bit of a rebel attitude. Just don’t go overboard with it thinking that you can start robbing banks, or keying cars. A cocky perception of this would be “I love myself with all of my flaws. I’m not doing things to have others look up to me. I am not dependent on other people’s attention.”
She has the sense there is more to you than you are giving her. You’re not going to unload your entire story at the first meeting. As the relationship progresses she is able to learn more about you. She is able to discover more of who you are and your experiences. A cocky way of looking at this “I’m not easy, you’re going to have to earn me. If you want to really know me, we are going to share equally.”
This dovetails on freedom and mystery. Your not the totally squeaky clean nice guy. You have some edginess about you where you subvert the social norms. You are not totally predictable. Whatever it is, most girls want to find out that you are not some harmless little nice fellow.
This isn’t being dangerous all over again. This is where you take calculated risks to achieve success. You’re not afraid of the consequences of going after what you want. If you want the girl, you are not afraid of getting a no by asking her out. You are not afraid of fucking up a meeting to get a business deal for your startup. At the same time, you have the ability to find a solution when things start to go sideways. You have the willingness to try new things. A cocky attitude with this is “I made a mistake, I’m not perfect. I own my mistakes. Sorry, it happened, here is what I learned. Here is a solution that can benefit both of us.”
You are generally enthusiastic about life. You are not talking to, or interacting with her, with an emotional flat line. You try to find the positive, or learn something, in things you don’t particularly like. When talking about things that you experienced you add emotional color with different vocal tones and inflections in your voice. You vary your tempo and use hand gestures to bring her into the story. You are aware that what you feel, she will feel along with you. If your depressed, she will become depressed. If you feel excited, she will feel the excitement.
This is something that an attractive man has defined. He sees it as something that is natural. It is alluded to everywhere, yet society as a whole frowns upon it at the same time. But, society accepts violence without question. We can watch a T.V. show, or play a video game with gunshots, blood, and beatings, but if we see a boob everyone freaks out. An attractive man isn’t afraid or timid about touching a girl he finds attractive. He isn’t timid about hugging, kissing, or intercourse when the time is right. He’s not looking for her reassurance, or permission to continue with a consensual interaction. He is aware that sex is natural and is not afraid of being a sexual creature, just like every other animal on earth.
Just paying attention a little bit you can hear the questions being asked on both sides why a guy or girl is acting one way or another. Why they broke up, or are thinking of dumping a guy. If you look at the details, you will see where one or a few of these traits are being expressed as to the reason why the relationship didn’t work. A lack of passion, a lack of excitement, a lack of self-reliance. He is either missing or has too much indifference.
These are the internal traits that I have found that most women want a guy to possess. Like I said these are in no particular order. Let me know if I missed something, got something totally wrong, or if I should have defined something better.