Paper Love – Or Real Love?
Ever heard of a paper boyfriend or girlfriend? It’s a trap many people fall into. Then they wonder how come their relationships don’t last long. Or, they wonder why they keep choosing the wrong person.
This is what is called, paper love. It’s a fantasy type relationship that hardly ever works long term.
Let’s face that we have all dreamed of the perfect significant other at some point in our life. Men want that supermodel who has the big boobs and finds his jokes funny. Women want the six-foot-tall guy with athletically toned muscles who says I love you and means it. You. Don’t. Say.
We all dream at some point, but we don’t always get what we want.
I want seven million dollars, tax-free, and a unicorn on my doorstep when I get home. Yeah, reality and facts are sometimes troublesome things.
Creating a Paper List
A piece of advice I give out somewhat routinely for those who can’t seem to find anyone is to write down the type of person they are seeking. Sometimes I have to clarify that they write down the traits, not a physical description, or surface nonsense like their job or education level.
Without clarification guys end up with a list that looks similar to this:
- She’s hot
- Big breasts
- Will model for me
- Doesn’t take life seriously
- Big breasts
- Great figure
- Confident, not cocky
- Not boring
- Athletic – with big breasts
- No silent treatment crap
- Looks great without makeup
- Likes my music
And a list from women without clarification looks somewhat like this:
- He makes the sun feel like an ice cube
- Decent muscles
- Nice forearms
- Has a place of his own
- Has a good job
- His wang turns the corner before he does
- He’s clean
- He knows how to dress
- Has manners
- Has a car
- Has a drivers license
- Sense of humor
Okay, so they are rather jokingly shallow and hold a slight semblance of truth in some areas. But, guys tend to dream of the curvy model, but don’t want a drama queen who is high maintenance.
Girls don’t want a guy who wears a bib while his mother feeds him a TV dinner while living in her basement playing video games, and waiting for the next ’Star Wars’ release. A lot of women want a guy who is tall, well built, and has his act together.
Creating a Real List
If your perfect match looks close to the above you won’t find the person you really want. All you are doing is crossing off the item like feature items in a car.
- GPS – check
- Power take-off – check
- Heated seats – check
- Premium sound – check
- Sport mode – check
- Four tires – check
- Hands-free calling – check
It looks good on paper, feels good for a while, but then it just feels like another car after a month or so. The specialness and new car smell fade away. Heated seats are pleasant once in a while. However, it’s just an ’eh’ item during the summer months. Not to mention you have to start making those payments.
You don’t want your relationship to just look good on paper. Most people want something of substance. A relationship that grows and breaths a life of its own. A person that absolutely drives you nuts crazy because they have that certain something that just draws you to them, and you can’t seem to get them out of your mind. You just want to be with them every second of the day, although you know that is impossible.
So, what should a paper boyfriend, or a girlfriend, look like?
Go beyond the physical traits and obvious stuff. Dig deep and really give it some thought. Adjectives that really describe personality, beliefs, and characteristics. Looks fade, jobs, and money come and go. Yes, we can argue that personality changes, along with beliefs and characteristics. But, those changes come as a result of your influence in their life. Just as you change because of their influence on you. Ever start to listen to their music, or start taking interest in their taste of movies?
If all you are doing is going off a surface-level feature list the personality, beliefs, and characteristics are going to clash much sooner than later. When it happens later in the relationship, you should have enough knowledge of the person to realize what’s happening, and how to deal with it.
What takes place most of the time is the clash happens a few months in and it’s like getting body slammed in a UFC match. You’re left asking “where the hell did that come from?” The answer, surface-level paper.
To help some of the women, out there who may have trouble getting started here are some popular traits.
Faithful, Dependable, Moral Integrity, Kind, Generous, Passion, Listens, etc.
The list goes on. You can even break it down into different attributes. Personality, character, and practical.
For the guys who might have a hard time getting started.
Kindness, Ambition, Honesty, Affectionate, Inspiring, Fun Loving, Independent, etc.
The traits given are not exclusive to the area’s I put them in. These are just traits that I have seen the genders list repeatedly for the “perfect” match. Everyone is different, so no one trait list is going to fit every single person’s taste in another person.
The important thing is to stay away from the surface stuff. Does it really matter that the girl doesn’t have 75GGG breasts if she totally rocks your world, and makes you weak in the knees at the smell of her perfume?
Does it really matter that he’s a one-quarter inch shorter, and still making just above minimum wage if every time you hear his voice your heart flips twice and does the jig?
So many people are so wrapped up in what looks good, that they are missing the greatness.
When you have a clear picture of the traits your perfect significant other should have, look at what you can allow them to lack. What if they have a tendency to always be late, but they are the most honest person you have ever known? Not the tidiest person ever, but they are always there when you need them? What traits can you allow them to lack in, but still find them attractive?
You like someone for what they have. You love them despite their flaws.
Once you have what you want IN a person, include some deal-breakers. Just try to not let them be too superficial. We all have things we simply cannot live with, no matter how great the person is. I personally can’t do body modification and heavy tattoo’s. If she has a dog collar through her nose, holes in her cheeks, and both arms sleeved up in ink, it’s not happening. I’ll talk and be polite to her, but that’s as far as it will go.
Find out what you really want. Don’t get into a check in the box superficial relationship just because it looks good.
Well, I hope this helps answer some questions we have gotten in that we can’t quite get into the show at this time. If it doesn’t answer your questions we will include this in a future episode. We are listening to you. Keep those questions coming. I hope this was at least an interesting read for all of you.